I've just realized that almost all of my Monday posts have been about certain areas within fatherhood that I struggle with or deal with on a daily basis.
Today, I'm going to mix things up a bit and write about something that I don't do enough of - that I believe as humans, none of us do enough of.
Stop. Look at what you've got. You've got the world.
There was an event that happened in my life which make me appreciate the little things in life a little more then your average bear. I won't go into detail but it involved a break-in, a loaded revolver, and the said loaded revolver hovering 6in from my chest. (I'll blog about it some other day.)
This event also made me a little more emotional. Guys are supposed to be hard-assed, logical, feeling-suppressed beings, right? Guns, booze, football, chicks, YEAH! RAR!
Not me. I'm a wuss.
I watch Extreme Home Makeover with my wife and I cry like a little girl. (Then again, anyone who wouldn't get emotional over that show has to be soul-less.)
Then I Had a Child.
And WHOA. MAN. Thought I was emotional then? It's far worse now. Now you tie in all the daddy emotions and it's about a billion times what it used to be.
Being a Daddy is Such a Blur.
Who out there remembers vividly the first three months of your child's life? I sure as heck don't. I look back and remember things but that memory is fuzzy (For instance, this picture. I really don't vividly remember her being that size). It wasn't that I didn't pay attention, it's just that, as a dad, you are suddenly placed into this position where the entire wellbeing of your child's life falls completely on your shoulders, and this responsibility comes with no road map so you're lost and you sure as hell aren't asking for directions. Wrap that up into the fact that your views, opinions, and goals in life just got tossed into a rock tumbler and you're in quite the dilly-doo.
Bring It Full Circle.
Although I've had events in my life that have made me realize the importence of slowing down, I still find myself watching it all whiz by me.
I took a moment the other day and damn near brought myself to tears. I stopped and thought about my life without my daughter. Knowing what I know now, knowing what I have now, knowing all the emotions tied up into her... what would it be like?
Empty.
The little two teeth that make her giant smile glimmering as I walk into the door from work. The excitement as I come back down the stairs for the seventeenth time while she's in the kitchen (Really? You aren't bored with this?). Her morning yelps for "dah dah dah" and her nuzzling into my chest as I hold my sleepy-baby. Her belly laugh that sounds like a choking hyenna. All these things make my life full.
Not any amount of money, not any sort of job, not any possesions... nothing could replace that feeling.
Take a moment.
Doesn't have to be now (though it is a good time)... but if you are lucky enough to have a child or two or six...
...stop...
Knowing what you know now... what would your life be like if they never existed?
Appreciate those things more the life itself.
