Fear - It's all in your head.

What scares you? What are the things that make you panic? Spiders? Snakes? Chickens? Little poopy diapers?

I've been thinking about fear lately and what makes people afraid.

"Why were you thinking about that?"

There have been a few things going on in my life lately that have made me sit and ponder this "fear" topic. 

First, I've been trying to get more involved with the company my father works for. He works for a company that offers help, aid, care, and housing to people who are developmentally challenged. This ranges from group meetings all the way to 24 hour care. This brought my mind to fear because I think about the general demeanor of most people when they are near people who are developmentally challenged... they're scared pissless. They don't know how to act, where to look, what to say. 

The other event that happened was actually yesterday. I got a call from my beautiful (and pregnant) sister-in-law (break: why the hell is the "-in-law" always hyphenated? waste.of.time.)... and she sheepishly tells me that my eldest brother is in the hospital awaiting surgery. Now the word "sheepishly" carries a lot of weight here because if you knew my sister-in-law, "sheepish" would be the last thing you would think. She is the most badass, free thinking, independent little ball of 5'2" you've ever met. So to have her sheepishly talking to me meant that she was very affected by this.

I was too. Upon seeing my brother laying in the bed at the hospital, I knew he had his "strong mask" on. The look that says, "Hey, guys, this is just another day. 30 minutes. In and out. I'll be fine!". But I have this connection with my brother and deep down I knew there was a little fear. Fear of anesthesia. Fear of surgery. 

"Good Examples. What's your point?"

I came to the conclusion today that fear is genuinely caused by the unknown and by the things we don't understand. Take into consideration the general populous' fear of people with developmental disabilities. I'm comfortable in their presence (and I hope I in theirs), but that's because it's a part of my family's life. The average bear (no, not Homer to Wayland kind of bear) doesn't have much interaction in those situations so it's naturally scary. 

Or take for instance a person who unfortunately has to be put under the knife more then once or twice in their life. They're probably a lot more laid back about anesthesia and going under then what my brother was. 

I want to be fearless

I don't want Niamonster to fear many things. I want her to be alright with the unknown and then go out and learn about it, and become familiar with it. I'm not saying I want her to injure herself so that she can go to the hospital a lot, but I want her to know what things are so that she has little reason to be scared of them. 

I think about a few times that I was scared but after learning about it lost that fear. (Hrm... should we go ordered or unordered today....) UNORDERED!

• The night Niamonster was born, as much as the classes try to get you ready, the big day is still scary. However, after about 20 minutes of spending time with the nurse my fear was down to simple excitement. She walked us through every little step as it would happen or was happening. There was never a doubt in our mind about what was going on. 
• When I was 18 I had my tonsils taken out. It was the first time that I was going to be put under. When they wheeled me into the surgical suite, I was really scared... especially about not having control of my body. But the anesthesiologist came over, told exactly what was going to happen and even said, "The cocktail I'm going to give you will make you not puke when you wake up. That's a good thing. However, it's going to hurt like hell when it goes in. But by the time you care enough to say anything, you'll be out." He didn't lie.

(god i love lists)

Wheel of morality, turn, turn, turn, tell us the lesson that we should learn.

It is my goal to never turn away a question Niamonster has. I want to answer them all... even if she's just asking them to be annoying. If I can't answer them then we'll go to someone or somewhere that we can. I believe that the more she knows and understands, the less she'll have any chance to be scared.

Stop and Smell the Roses

I've just realized that almost all of my Monday posts have been about certain areas within fatherhood that I struggle with or deal with on a daily basis. 

Today, I'm going to mix things up a bit and write about something that I don't do enough of - that I believe as humans, none of us do enough of. 

Stop. Look at what you've got. You've got the world.

There was an event that happened in my life which make me appreciate the little things in life a little more then your average bear. I won't go into detail but it involved a break-in, a loaded revolver, and the said loaded revolver hovering 6in from my chest. (I'll blog about it some other day.)

This event also made me a little more emotional. Guys are supposed to be hard-assed, logical, feeling-suppressed beings, right? Guns, booze, football, chicks, YEAH! RAR!

Not me. I'm a wuss.

I watch Extreme Home Makeover with my wife and I cry like a little girl. (Then again, anyone who wouldn't get emotional over that show has to be soul-less.) 

Then I Had a Child.

And WHOA. MAN. Thought I was emotional then? It's far worse now. Now you tie in all the daddy emotions and it's about a billion times what it used to be. 

Being a Daddy is Such a Blur.

Who out there remembers vividly the first three months of your child's life? I sure as heck don't. I look back and remember things but that memory is fuzzy (For instance, this picture. I really don't vividly remember her being that size). It wasn't that I didn't pay attention, it's just that, as a dad, you are suddenly placed into this position where the entire wellbeing of your child's life falls completely on your shoulders, and this responsibility comes with no road map so you're lost and you sure as hell aren't asking for directions. Wrap that up into the fact that your views, opinions, and goals in life just got tossed into a rock tumbler and you're in quite the dilly-doo.

Bring It Full Circle.

Although I've had events in my life that have made me realize the importence of slowing down, I still find myself watching it all whiz by me. 

I took a moment the other day and damn near brought myself to tears. I stopped and thought about my life without my daughter. Knowing what I know now, knowing what I have now, knowing all the emotions tied up into her... what would it be like?

Empty. 

The little two teeth that make her giant smile glimmering as I walk into the door from work. The excitement as I come back down the stairs for the seventeenth time while she's in the kitchen (Really? You aren't bored with this?). Her morning yelps for "dah dah dah" and her nuzzling into my chest as I hold my sleepy-baby. Her belly laugh that sounds like a choking hyenna. All these things make my life full. 

Not any amount of money, not any sort of job, not any possesions... nothing could replace that feeling. 

Take a moment. 

Doesn't have to be now (though it is a good time)... but if you are lucky enough to have a child or two or six...

...stop...

Knowing what you know now... what would your life be like if they never existed?

Appreciate those things more the life itself.

Monday Monday (dah dahhh dah dah dah dah)

Oh the joys of Monday! Let me list them here.

...

Okay! Great list!

Why DOES Monday always take the crap end of the stick? Sure, it's the end of the weekend, but it's also the beginning of a week. I think Monday should talk to its union reps and get more recognition as a decent day. 

Today's Topic: Money (and saving it)

As a dad, I have no money. Ok that's a lie, I have LESS money then I want. It probably has something to do with the little Niamonster running around and pooping in all of it. Then there is the daycare or the lack of income from a stay at home spouse and baby sitting expenses. 

If having a kid were a business opportunity the world would die off very quickly because no one in their right mind would invest. 

But holy crap, here we are investing our time, our lives, and our money into the little monsters that we love more then life itself. And holy crap, we're happy!

Worry Wart

But if you're anything like me, it doesn't stop you from worrying about your financial well being. If anything, it makes you worry about it more. Think back to the days when you made a stupid overly expensive purchase and then had to live off ramen for the next week. That was ok back then. Make a stupid purchase now and your child suffers... and that's just not allowed.

Save more. Spend less.

It's no joke that our economy blows hard chunks right now. I don't care whether it was the previous president blowing tons of money overseas or whether it's the current president spending 2 trillion in 30 days, I only care about the now... and the now sucks.

So, as a parent, what do you do? Isabella and I have come up with some money saving ideas, and surprisingly enough they mostly revolve around educating and informing yourself, and common freaking sense. (yes. freaking. not the regular kind.)

I love lists.

1. Keep track of all of your bills.
   - Use Excel or Open Office Calc (it's free.  http://www.openoffice.org ) and write up a list of your bills that you have to pay each month. Then for each month create a new spread sheet with the same bills and their updated costs. This gives you a good idea of where your money goes each month.
   - When you pay off bills, change the text to Italics. 
   - If you want to get real fancy, write up some equations to calculate total money spent on bills and subtract it from your monthly income.
   - In a different column, write up your "budgeted items" Food, gas, etc. and subtract that from your total income as well.
   - Finally, in yet another column, list your "one time expenses". Date night, destist office, that toy at Best Buy you had to have. Obviously subtract that from your income column too.
   -Find a centralized location where you can save this file. Whether on your favorite web host or on a personal server, make this file available to every decision maker in your family.
2. Check your bank account balance daily.
   - If you aren't online banking yet, you need to get into the 2009s. I don't want to hear about online security and how everyone is sniffing your paketz and haxing your systmz. I work in the business and if someone if fast enough, smart enough, and wise enough to crack the encryption surrounding your bank account, the I doubt they'd be wasting their time going after YOUR account. (Unless you are a multi-millionaire which in that case you're probably worried more about Obama taking your money then a hacker. bah-zing!)
   - The point of this is to make sure you know where all of your money is going and that there is no authorized or unauthorized person spending your money stupidly. 
   - Make sure both you and your spouse of equal access and visibility to the account and that you are both checking it daily. You BOTH need to be informed. (if applicable)
3. Clip Coupons
   - Buy the Sunday paper. (it's $1.00 a paper here)
   - Clip the coupons.
   - Use the coupons.
   - Save money! 
   (Could saving money get any easier then clipping up paper?)
4. Buy Smart Bulk
   - "Smart Bulk" meaning use your silly head! Don't buy bologna in bulk, it'll probably go bad before you can eat it all. Then you aren't saving money, you're wasting. However, if you are paper towel whores (as our family is), then it is WAY cheaper to buy a bazillion pack from Sams Club then it is to buy them individually. Plus it wont rot!
   
5. Don't! Eat! Out!
   - (No, not that. Keep going on that... she likes it.) I'm talking about going out to eat at restaurants. Yes, they are convenient. Yes, they do your dishes. Yes, it's nice to get waited on. But it is as expensive as two donkey nuts. (not even sure how much that would cost, actually)
   - Food + Drink + Tip = You're broke.
   - Special occasions excluded (date night, anniversary, etc.)
6. Less meat. More Filler.
   - Instead of 1 portion of meat, a veg, and some starch for each person, try a half portion of meat with some extra starch. It fills more and costs less. 

These are just a few things that Isabella and I do to make sure we stay on top of our finances so that we have plenty of money to Niamonster. She's our cash-hoover now and that's what we gladly live for. 

What little things do you do to save money?