Thursday, March 26, 2009

Fatherhood Friday 6

Friday is here already? Crap...

As far as posts this week go, it's dang tough to top Wednesday's post. But here goes trying. 

First and foremost, to all you guys out there who thought they could handle a child - Fappy Hatherhood Friday. Yup, it's been that kind of week. 

So many topics I want to cover, but which one to choose? Funny kidisms?.. no... deep intellectual feelings?... no... Porn? ... always a good default - but no.

How about... 

Guys Night Out
(I was going to put this at the end, but I figured it's better placed here. A lot of this post is filled with satire and sarcasm mixed with some truth. I'm really not as big of a dick as it seems... really... I'm not... really...)

I'm pretty stoked about today since I will be partaking in a guys night out. My mother is going out of town for some retreat for women who are christian and who spend the whole weekend doing crazy old lady things. It really is a mystery what goes on there almost to the point of "cult" level. 

With my mother out of the house, my father is going to be home alone and thought, hey - why not live up good life with his 3 boys. 

Be Kind. Please Rewind.

My mother has been going to this little retreat for a really long time. Long enough that I remember when all 3 boys lived at home. I'm the youngest of the 3 with the eldest jumping in at around 6 years older then me. 

This weekend was really special to all of us because when mom left, it was the guys weekend. This was a time when my dad relaxed the rules of the house a little... when we could drink a few beers with him (I being about 12 then... naughty naughty), when we could run around in our undies, scratch, burp, fart, and watch however much TV we wanted. It wasn't as if my father just "let" us do this... most of the time he instigated it.

We bonded a lot during these times too. Man talks about girls and sports. Stories from my dad's childhood that let us know he was just like us when he was growing up. 

It made my dad real. It made me realize that no matter what I did, or what I've gone through, I could go to my dad and he'd understand. 

Back to the Future

Upon hearing of our get together tonight, I started a little pondering about this "man night" or "man weekend". Why it was special, even more so then it used to be with all 3 of us being married, I having a child, and my eldest brother having one on the way. 

It is totally and completely different then any "girls night out". Girls usually go out and dress up cute and attract random guys to make themselves feel good. Or they go over to their friend's house and talk about their husbands and the way they think they're so good in bed and how many times she had to fake this or that and how he never cleans and doesn't help enough with the baby... blah blah blah. (this is obviously an exaggeration station, but to prove a point)

With guys it's different. Our night is about relaxing!

RELAXING? Your ass sits and watches ESPN all night. Your whole life is about relaxing!

Fathers... take a moment and think about the biggest motivation behind all things you do around the house. It's not self image. It's not because you were raised that way. It's sure as hell isn't cause your wife told you to. 

The biggest motivating factor:

Don't deny it. It's all about accumulating "get some" credits. Clean up the kitchen? *clink* *clink* hear those credits drop in the pot. "Hunny, you go relax, I'll take care of the baby" *clink* *clink*... on your way to getting some later. Mop the floor? *clink* Take out the trash? *clink*. 

But don't forget that the bad things you do withdraw money out of that account. 

And that's a lot of Stress!

Constantly having to worry about whether or not your actions are depositing or withdrawing "get some" credits causes the knots on our back to get a little tighter. 

THIS is why "guys night" is relaxing! It's the time where for a split increment of time in our lives we don't have to worry about whether or not our actions are one day going to be used for our good (if the mood is right, she's feeling ok, the moon is 20 degrees North, and a giraffe in Africa farted twice today) or whether they'll be used in some argument 3 years from now as ammunition. 

It's about bonding with guys who know where you're at, dropping all masks, ignoring all tendencies to constantly "please" someone, to worry about just us and the dudes we're with. 

What is guys night to you?


Jason said...

I don't really have guys night. Once a year my best friend and I head to Chicago for a weekend of binging ourselves in quarter bins and the smell of old comics(and the unfortunate smell of the true to life comic book guy...)It's my weekend away from the boys and the duties of the house. I'm a total nerd, but it gets me by...

Bella Daddy said...

Every Nite is guys nite around here...if u know us, u know what I mean -)

Andrew's Daddies said...

I haven't been out with my coworkers after work in sooo long.

Otter Thomas said...

I think you are right on. Escaping that constant surveillance is nice. I do my guy thing at deer camp. It involves drinking beer and staring at a fire most of the time.

ShankRabbit said...


I think being a nerd is the best part. Tonight, I'm sure, will involve 4 guys with PS3 controllers in our hands

@Bella Daddy
BawwwYeah! You know, I love me some woman... but in the "overwatcher" sense, you've got it made!

Lauren said...

ROTFL @ "giraffe farted twice in Africa"

MileHighDad said...

"The biggest motivating factor:
IS TO GET LAID" Huh? You mean? Naaa...

ciara said...

i guess guys need a night where they don't have to try and catch up w us women. slackers. lol

KWG said...

I'm gonna send you all a bro-mance card.

My best friend from junior high and a collection of other high school rogues get together at least once, sometimes twice per year for guys weekend out in Chico (where my best friend lives, home of Sierra Nevada brewery).

We've been doing it for over 20 years and it never gets old. Well, we get hold, but it's always a fun-filled idiot fest of drinking, laughing, pretending we still know how to hit on chicks, rocking out and watching movies.

Good times. That's what it's all about.

WeaselMomma said...

Enjoy the weekend (or night). That time with fathers, sons and brothers is irreplaceable and special. Do it every chance you get.

john said...

like bella dad, its guys night out here all the time. Even if i try to correct the behavior, i still find farting, giraffe or no giraffe, funny.

john said...

oh, great post by the way, very funny.

Rob said...

Good Post, Guys night out is cool, I do it every now and again. It is nice to catch up with my frinds and drink beer and relax.

Joeprah said...

What the hell is guys night out? I want one, it sounds like heaven. Awesome, funny post man.

Charlie on the PA Turnpike said...

Enjoy those guys-night-outs as long as you can...

there's an excellent chance that life will catch up to you, and you'll find yourself happy to stay in any night you can.

And if you end up like me, living 2 hrs from where you work, well hanging with the gang from work just doesn't work.

What is guys night to you? My answer is it's been so long, I can't remember!