I'm a sensitive little boy.

I'm one of those people who cracks jokes about things that make me uncomfortable or uneasy. The more difficult and challenging the situation, the funnier I become. Wrap that into a poorly timed delivery and often times I come off as a real jack-hole.

A good example of this was when my wife was about to go under the knife to get a fairly large abscess take out of her. At the time we didn't know what it was... endometrioma, a small alien, or, God forbid, cancer. I liked to call it her little alien love child - and then suggested that next time she keep her legs closed when getting abducted by aliens.

Now thankfully my wife loves me enough and gets me enough that she actually finds my nervous and poorly timed jokes slightly funny. It's one of the reasons I married such a wonderful woman.

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However, there are things that I cannot take lightly. Things that I will never crack jokes and I will never be receptive to jokes, laughter, or humor.

My insecurities

I'm not talking about the insecurity of having a fat ass or a head of hair that makes it look like I'm sporting a 1980s curly trailer mullet... I'm talking about the insecurities that sit on the core of your soul... the ones you know you have but don't want anyone else to see.

My biggest insecurity is the fact that I have little confidence in being able to classify myself as a good father and/or a good husband.

You've got to understand that, to me, I suck at playing this game. I'm the poor uncoordinated fat kid that can't catch, can't run, and can't jump - AND always gets picked last in the game of fatherhood.

So what sparked the thought for this post

As some of you may know, I own my own business doing application development. With assisting around the house while my wife recovers from getting knives jabbed into her, I have had to displace some of the time that I normally dedicate to completing this very large project due in about a week. The time has now caught up to me and I'm in "uh oh" mode... which means I need to be balls-to-the-walls this weekend.

...which also means not spending lots of time with my family.

...which also means that I suck as a dad and husband.

To boot, we were originally going to drive down to Indy to visit some friends for the weekend and I would have been really screwed.

When I told my wife what had to happen this weekend... she did the thing that you're not supposed to do when I'm explaining that I'm going to have to work most of the weekend... when I'm admitting that I suck...

...she laughed

That's not funny.

"Because we were originally going to spend all weekend down in Indy... and then since we aren't going I was just expecting that you'd be spending time with us."

That's still really not funny and thank you for further rubbing in why I hated telling you to begin with.

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I don't know why I'm so insecure about it. My kid smiles and my wife hasn't left me. I guess I must be doing something right.

But are you doing it "right" when you know there are so many things you do "wrong"?

Oh well, I'll finish my project this weekend and we'll have that much extra money in the bank for it. Maybe I'll buy her something nice. How wonderfully middle class is that?

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Oh... happy Fatherhood Friday! Haven't badged this is a while. This is a community of a bunch of great dads. Go check them out! 

Fatherhood Friday - She wins.

What's happenin' blog readers? How was your week? Mmhm? Yeah? Good.

I think today is a special Friday because it's the Fatherhood Friday before Father's Day. The day that is all about me.

Wait. What's this crap? You don't know what Fatherhood Friday is? BEHOLD! Check out Dad-Blogs. Neat dudes doing dude stuff and writing about it. (Girls are totally allowed too).

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She Was Right

I hate being wrong. Hate it more then hate itself. However, I've noticed that with less sleep, more work, and more responsibility my cache isn't as big as it used to be. Because of this I've noticed that I tend to be wrong a lot more then I used to. It's a small price to pay for mental efficiency in a mentally hazardous environment.

Well, I have to give Isabella some big props because she pretty much made me go to the doctor yesterday... and... wouldn't you know it - I have bronchitis.

Apparently it's bronchitis season. (Like flu season, or deer season... only for shit in my lungs.) And this year has been a fun one with the doctor saying how this kind tends to come back. Well, wouldn't you know that earlier this year I had the exact same symptoms as I did this time.

So I guess my bronchitis came back for round two. Only this time I'm going to take it down to China-town with some Azithromycin. 5 days of hard core bacteria killing...

... and 5 days of the Hershey-squirts.

Damn you side effects.

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I need a vacation. I need to unplug from the constant blast of coding that happens to flow from my fingers every day and every night. It's my own fault for having the aspiration of owning my own business and living completely and comfortably from that business someday - so that requires a lot of time spent at the computer at night.

This also leads to some pretty late nights since I don't want to be working when I'm at home and Niamonster is awake. So (obviously coming full circle here), you can see why I've been getting sick more.

I beat myself up, but it's already starting to pay off. Lots of big things in the works and just started a new deal with a new company that will finally boost us to where we need to be.

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To all my dads out there - Happy Father's Day on Sunday.

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.....

......... huh... just kinda seems like a really abrupt end to my post... no closure really... just - "goodbye".

... kinda akward, huh.

...so...

kthxbai!

Fatherhood Friday - Hello End of the Week... so soon?

Hi Kids.

Welcome to another edition of Fatherhood Friday.

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So it's official. As of Monday of this week at 12:14pm I am officially MINI free. Eh - it's kinda sad, but that sadness faded pretty dang quick when I saw how many 0's I had to write down on my deposit slip.

oooh... that's nice.

So we've started paying off credit cards and other stupid bills that we've had (oh... the bills). We're a one car family now and the more I think about it, the more it makes perfect sense. Things would be a whole lot different if Isabella had a daytime job (not that being a stay at home mom isn't a job), but she can take me to work every morning and it gives us a good chance to just talk for 15 minutes.

So many times you find yourself focusing on your child's needs and playing with her (or him) that you just forget to sit and talk.

Fatherhood = selling stuff and spending quality time together.

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My wife and I watch some odd TV sometimes and one of the odd little shows we came across was Tori and Dean... if you haven't watched this show: do it.

It's Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott, and you know something? Yeah... they're actors but they're such normal people. What's more is that Isabella and I are very VERY like them. If you ever are curious as to what our household is like - watch this show.

I could talk about it and describe it, but you should just go watch it. It's on Oxygen.

Fatherhood = knowing that all dads go through the same stuff.

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I'm not sure who came up with the phrase "Terrible 2's" but they're full of shit. It starts way before the age of 2.

Oh yeah - Niamonster has started throwing cute little temper tantrums and while I'm sure it'll be cute for the next couple of weeks, I'm pretty sure I'm going to start flipping my crab about it.

She's has this little thing where she'll just walk over to the rug on our kitchen floor in this sick little whiney fashion and just fall to the floor whenever she doesn't get what she wants.

Neat. Can't wait till it gets worse.

Fatherhood = patience.

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Speaking of selling the MINI, one of the biggest things for Isabella and I that always bothered us was that we never had enough money to give lots to charity. My dad works for a company that deals with people who are severly developmentally disabled (an amazing organization: Bethesda Lutheran Home and Services), Isabella and I have a huge heart for Maryville Academy since Isabella stayed there for a while given certain things happening in her life.... plus there are other churches and little charities we just want to give to.

Well... now that we have a little more padding in our bank it's been really nice to have that available.

So - today some fellow online friends made mention of another blogger who has fallen on some series of unfortunate events. Well, the friends got together and collaborated a little fund to help the family out in their time of need.

Yes! Our first "random" charity. Yay!

Fatherhood = Charity and giving selflessly.

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Finally, and the biggest part of being a father -

I had to go play business tonight and head out with some SVP/VP type people and schmooze. However, that meant coming home late and Niamonster was already asleep.

I walked into her room to just see my little girl... and she must have known it was me because she propped her little head up... looked into my eyes... gave me the cutest little tired smile... and layed back down.

Uuuuuuh.... I think my heart just melted....

It's a quick post in the neighborhood.

My wife is on her way to picking me up. I realize it's early but my head hurts and today is going to be the only nice day this weekend.

It's a quick Fatherhood Friday.

WHAT? You don't know what Fatherhood Friday is?! The get your butt over to Dad-Blogs and check it out.

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Fatherhood is:

• Leaving work early to spend time with your family.
• Sneaking into your child's room at night to stand over their crib and watch them sleep.
• Calling out "Dance" and immediately dropping everything to shake your booty.
• Crying when you inadvertently injure your child.
• Cuddling up to your wife when she needs you.
• Staying up late to finish work after everyone else goes to bed.
• Be willing to give up everything for your family.
• Love them more then yourself.

Those are some of the things fatherhood is to me.

What about you?

Fatherhood Friday - Parents are helpless.

Happy Fatherhood Friday all my fellow dads and mom. Let us raise our hands in the air and let the world smell our pits because we all know we shower less now that we have kids. 

What's that? You don't know what Fatherhood Friday is all about? Then head your butt over to Dad-Blogs and check it out. (Girls are allowed in this fort.)

You. As a Parent. Are helpless. 

And I think it's why we panic so much about our children. Apparently panic is an appropriate replacement for not being able to control our little beings. Try as we might to be the "cool and laid back" parents that you see in the movies, every little step in the wrong direction, or bonk on the heads leaves our little hearts to go, "OHAGHNODON'TGETHURT!".

It's the heart strings that are fused to that little miniature flesh-bag. No matter what goes on in life you never want them to feel pain, never want them to struggle, never want them to fail. But of course the only way to learn and get better at something IS by failing. 

Some people take it way too far.

You know those people - the "build a fence around my kid" kind of parents. They're usually really judgemental too. Niamonster was toddling around Target the other day. She slipped and landed on her butt, let out a little cry of frustration, and got back up. I looked up and saw a lady glaring at me like, "how could you let your child fall?".

Really lady? Really? Pecker off.

I can only imagine it gets worse.

Niamonster is only 1 right now so what do I have to worry about? Her falling on her butt... bonking the enormously large bobbly head into things... falling down stairs... etc.

But what about when she's a teenager? Creepy guys on the internet? Creepy guys on the streets? Stupid boyfriends trying to smooze her pants off? Broken hearts? Good grades? Personal image?

Oiy... I'm worried about how much I'm going to worry.

How do I relax?

Well... my faith helps. Raising her to make smart decisions will help. I want to be able to trust her 100% as she grows up. That's easier said then done because I'm not going to be with her all the time as she gets older. Where do I draw the line between trust and smart parenting? Can you full trust a 14 year old?

For now... she can bump.

I'll let her fall. I'll let her bump her fat little melon. When she gets older will I still allow her to get bumps and bruises so she can grow and learn? 

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Is it just me or is parenthood just filled with hypothetical questions that can't be answered until the situation happens?

(jesus being a parent is so damn fun)

Fatherhood Friday - It's the way she laughs

What is it about the laughter? How could anyone have a bad day when a toddler pops open that half-toothy/half-gummy grin and starts giggling like all of the giggles are going away tomorrow?

I know I can't have a bad day with that. 

Happy Fatherhood Friday to all the awesome dads out there. The dads who spend time with their children and make a huge effort to be a giant part of their lives. The dads who treat their wives (or husbands) with respect so that their little ones learn what true love is through observing your actions. 

Here is my nod, fist pump, or hug (yes, I'm a total hugger) to you. Because at the end of a long week - you deserve it. 

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Let's talk about...

The baby itch.

I see where it comes from. I'm not saying I'm condoning or even thinking about it right now. All I'm saying is that I am starting to understand why so many couples have kids so close together. 

Niamonster is 1 year old now.

(Total aside that has nothing to do with this... have I even ranted about how I hate telling people months past a year old? I don't tell you that I'm 320 months old. I want to give you her age... not a math problem.)

Uh... Oh yeah so Niamonster is 1 year old and since turning that blessed year old she has decided that she wants to drink almost all liquids out of a straw, she wants to walk, she wants to talk with big people words, and she wants to feed herself. 

Try to do any of this for her and you have just cursed yourself with a little girl's temper tantrum. Gee... I have no idea where this "do it yourself and don't help me" mentality came from...

... it must have been her mom.

She's so grown up.

She's a toddler now. She's less like the little cute adorable cuddly mooshy goo-poosh... and more like a whiny screaming scratching howler monkey. Still really cute, but you've got to catch her first.

You get really used to having that little ball of foof just hanging out in her little rocker chair as she tries to reach up and swat at the little hanging toys. Remember the good old days when you used to cheer when she pulled the ring and the song played. Now you can't get her to stop pressing those *** **** buttons on that ******* Winnie the Pooh train!! 

There in lies my "enlightening" as to why so many parents have multiple children so close in age. You WANT that cute little baby back. Having a baby means constant needs, love, attention, love, cuddling, needs, and love. 

Having a toddler means, "hey.. no...come back here, please love me STOP SQUIRMING AWAY! I'm just trying to hold you. Where are you going now?... AGH! NO! Don't touch... what? what did you just baby-say to me? Are you cussing me out? I may not be able to understand your words but I sure know when I'm getting cusse... don't put that in your mouth... yes I'm talking about that. I can still see it in your hand. Yes, that piece of paper... I see it... don't put that... no... don't d... AGH! Stop crawling away you're going to choke on it... ugh... ISABELLA!!!!"

Still not going to have one so soon.

For as big as a pain as she can be (grumble grumble miss independent)... I still love every single minute that I spend with her... I mean... Come on... this is awesome!

Fatherhood Friday - I'm going to make you a 5-dollar-aire

"Ugh. Dad. You Fail."

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It's Friday and I'm swamped. With work. With Niamonster's first birthday party tomorrow. With finances. The list just keeps going. 

We're all under some financial hardships and I want to help you. I'm not going to send you money because I don't have any. 

What I do have is a finger. A finger that clicks quite well (among other things... ah-booyah).

Here is my present to you this Friday.

I'm going to make you money by clicking on your ads. All Fathers who posted over on www.dad-blogs.com will get clicks on their ads, all people I follow will get clicks, and if you don't participate in Fatherhood Friday or I don't follow you, then please leave a comment here with a link to your blog and I'll do some clicking there too. 

We all deserve a few extra cents in our bank accounts, and I want to be that person who can give you a few pennies.

Happy Fatherhood Friday!

Fatherhood Friday 8 - WAR!

Welcome New Friends!

What is this Have Friends. Get Music. contest, you ask? Read about it here.

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Contest Update

Name	Comment Entries	Friend Entries	Total
Alix	1	0	1
Andrew's Daddies	1	0	1
Apok	1	0	1
Bella daddy	1	0	1
Busy-Dad-E	1	0	1
c3	1	0	1
Call Me Cate	3	0	3
Ciara	3	0	3
Jeff	2	0	2
Jim and Garret	3	0	3
Joanie M	2	0	2
Leticia	1	0	1
Liz	4	14	18
Mary Ellen	2	0	2
Nbauer	1	0	1
Otter Thomas	4	0	4

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Happy Fatherhood Friday! Welcome to all the dads who know they're awesome and blog about it and hang out over at dad-blogs.com - check them out they're all a really great bunch of people. 

The Battle of the Parents

This has been an on going battle for generations and I am proud to say that our family is gladly carrying on the tradition. I'm talking about the war that wages between the mom and dad to constantly want the child the choose you over the other. The battles that happen where mom and dad are sitting on opposite ends of the room, both cooing and coaxing trying to win out as the "best" parent by having the child crawl over to them first. 

Maybe it's just with first time parents. Obviously I can't speak from any other experience as I only have one little rascal crawling around, but I think it's safe to say that it happens even with more the one child. 

Oh... Shank... We don't do that. 

Pfft. Don't lie to me. Never? Who doesn't love to be number one? Obviously when it comes down to the real love and feelings the winning doesn't matter... but I'm not talking about the deep down rooted love, I'm talking about the surface stuff right now. 

And on the surface it RULES to be number 1!

The Battlegrounds.

Warzone #1: Church

The war wages fierce while sitting in the pews of church. Trying our silent and stealthy attacks against one another to get Niamonster to reach out for the other parent. Victory is audibly silent but pridefully loud as it is custom for one parent to shoot a blazing sneer of triumph at the other parent.

Warzone #2: The Grandparents House

While the gaze of grandparents is upon us, we keep our smiley, lovey, game faces in their perma-grins. But around the corners and in the guest bedrooms it's a cacophony of destruction as Isabella and I blast Niamonster with affection and love so as to be the lucky one who gets her affection when the grandparents are back in view. 

Warzone #3: Amongst Friends

Since we were the first couple out of all of our friends to have a child, this warzone can oftentimes be the deadliest. Without the silence of church and the necessity of being behaved around the grandparents, a friends house can often lead to vile and sarcastic remarks, forceful espionage, and covert operations to sometimes avoid "gaining affection" to simply all out "stealing" it.

I'm thinking of invading her home base.

I literally mean home. With Isabella being a stay-at-home mom, she has conquered the home and turned it into a dictatorship. I'm setting forth a plan to usurp her vile authority and bring peace and democracy to this fine country... er... home. Then, through hidden agendas, secret organizations, and lobbyists I will gain ultimate control and bring in wiretaps, 24 hour surveillance, and "home"land security - but mask it all as necessary to prevent a "home"land invasion of pure and vile motherhood. If all fathers unite, we will prevail as the ONLY source of comfort and love for all of our children.

I'm going in. Who's going to join me?

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Where are your bloodiest warzones?

Fatherhood Friday 7 - Germy Germs

Visit Dad-Blogs to get more information on Fatherhood Friday. Great group of people - dads and moms alike!

Well crap. Here I am on Friday and the two ideas that I had just got poopooed by the beautiful lady sitting 6 feet from me at her computer. 

My first idea was to create a contest in which I will shower a lucky winner with amazing gifts of music (and in turn whore readers... cause who doesn't like more readers and in turn more blogs to read?)

But I haven't thought the contest out enough for it to be solid. So consider this a teaser. Something along the lines of: A whole week. 1 comment = 1 entry. Winner randomly choosen. Gets a song written about them or a topic of their choice. Song gets sent to winner and posted on my blog. If you recommended them and they win, you get mentioned in song as well.

My second idea was to put up the song that I sang to Isabella when I proposed to her (you can read the story on her blog)... but as I was laying down the tracks Isabella turns to me and says, "That's more of a Meaningful Monday post"... 

ugh. god. fine! 

So you're going to have to wait till Monday to hear my squawks into a mic on that song.

Let's talk about dirt.

I've met the gamut of people and their differences on germs and dirt. On one end you have the people who always walk around with their little bottle of Purel and their hand wipes, who wipe off the public doorknob before touching it, who refuse to poop in public toilets, who generally just stare at everyone like they are a disease and anything they touch is instantly plagued with the worst virus you can image. 

Then you have those people who think showering once a week is too much and think the dirt adds color to the skin. The kind of people who simply walk out of the public bathroom before you as to wipe their piss hands all over the exit handle leaving you either trapped in the bathroom or forced to share in their tinky.

Thank God most of us are in between. 

So how do you feel about your clones getting dirty?

My wife is always jealous of my immune system. I heal fast, rarely get sick (though when I do it's really bad), and when I do get sick I'm usually over it in 2 days. She, on the other hand, cuts herself with a piece of paper and damn near bleeds to death, and when she gets sick it drags on for about 3 weeks (and I mean "Draaaaags").

I have a little theory that the reason my immune system is a little bit stronger is because I like dirt and I like my body to train itself to like dirt and germs as well. I'm fascinated by the human body because of the way it adapts to keep you healthy, but like anything, it needs practice. What do you think vaccinations are? Dead viruses that your body can practice on. 

For this reason, I'm really ok with Niamonster getting dirty. I'm ok with her crawling around on the concrete and then shoving her fists into her mouth. Yeah, it's gross, but a little dirt and germs are good for her. If she's on a play date and wants to allow her friends to shove their slobbery hands into her mouth... go ahead! Again, gross as all get out, but will it kill her? No.

I like to think that by allowing her to come into contact with germs and nasties while she's at this age is helping her body practice for when a big bad germ or virus comes along.

Someday...

I can't wait for the day that her and I can play outside and get dirty and play make believe and not care what germs we come in contact with. Of course, her lack of speech and walking is sort of impeding that dream right now, but sooooooon.

Have a happy, germy, Fatherhood Friday!

Fatherhood Friday 6

Friday is here already? Crap...

As far as posts this week go, it's dang tough to top Wednesday's post. But here goes trying. 

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First and foremost, to all you guys out there who thought they could handle a child - Fappy Hatherhood Friday. Yup, it's been that kind of week. 

So many topics I want to cover, but which one to choose? Funny kidisms?.. no... deep intellectual feelings?... no... Porn? ... always a good default - but no.

How about... 

Guys Night Out

(I was going to put this at the end, but I figured it's better placed here. A lot of this post is filled with satire and sarcasm mixed with some truth. I'm really not as big of a dick as it seems... really... I'm not... really...)

I'm pretty stoked about today since I will be partaking in a guys night out. My mother is going out of town for some retreat for women who are christian and who spend the whole weekend doing crazy old lady things. It really is a mystery what goes on there almost to the point of "cult" level. 

With my mother out of the house, my father is going to be home alone and thought, hey - why not live up good life with his 3 boys. 

Be Kind. Please Rewind.

My mother has been going to this little retreat for a really long time. Long enough that I remember when all 3 boys lived at home. I'm the youngest of the 3 with the eldest jumping in at around 6 years older then me. 

This weekend was really special to all of us because when mom left, it was the guys weekend. This was a time when my dad relaxed the rules of the house a little... when we could drink a few beers with him (I being about 12 then... naughty naughty), when we could run around in our undies, scratch, burp, fart, and watch however much TV we wanted. It wasn't as if my father just "let" us do this... most of the time he instigated it.

We bonded a lot during these times too. Man talks about girls and sports. Stories from my dad's childhood that let us know he was just like us when he was growing up. 

It made my dad real. It made me realize that no matter what I did, or what I've gone through, I could go to my dad and he'd understand. 

Back to the Future

Upon hearing of our get together tonight, I started a little pondering about this "man night" or "man weekend". Why it was special, even more so then it used to be with all 3 of us being married, I having a child, and my eldest brother having one on the way. 

It is totally and completely different then any "girls night out". Girls usually go out and dress up cute and attract random guys to make themselves feel good. Or they go over to their friend's house and talk about their husbands and the way they think they're so good in bed and how many times she had to fake this or that and how he never cleans and doesn't help enough with the baby... blah blah blah. (this is obviously an exaggeration station, but to prove a point)

With guys it's different. Our night is about relaxing!

RELAXING? Your ass sits and watches ESPN all night. Your whole life is about relaxing!

Fathers... take a moment and think about the biggest motivation behind all things you do around the house. It's not self image. It's not because you were raised that way. It's sure as hell isn't cause your wife told you to. 

The biggest motivating factor:

IS TO GET LAID

Don't deny it. It's all about accumulating "get some" credits. Clean up the kitchen? *clink* *clink* hear those credits drop in the pot. "Hunny, you go relax, I'll take care of the baby" *clink* *clink*... on your way to getting some later. Mop the floor? *clink* Take out the trash? *clink*. 

But don't forget that the bad things you do withdraw money out of that account. 

And that's a lot of Stress!

Constantly having to worry about whether or not your actions are depositing or withdrawing "get some" credits causes the knots on our back to get a little tighter. 

THIS is why "guys night" is relaxing! It's the time where for a split increment of time in our lives we don't have to worry about whether or not our actions are one day going to be used for our good (if the mood is right, she's feeling ok, the moon is 20 degrees North, and a giraffe in Africa farted twice today) or whether they'll be used in some argument 3 years from now as ammunition. 

It's about bonding with guys who know where you're at, dropping all masks, ignoring all tendencies to constantly "please" someone, to worry about just us and the dudes we're with. 

What is guys night to you?

Fatherhood Friday 5

It's all good in the hood of the father this Friday.

Shut your mouth... just... shut it.

How annoying is it when people look at your little rug rat and exclaim, "Oh she looks just like her mother." or "You can definitely tell where she gets her good looks."

Look. I know it's just people feeling the need to say something cliche that doesn't take much thought and that fills the void of silence, but it really is old... and lame.

I'd prefer silence, thank you.

Why DO people have such problems with silence? You are currently throwing my produce and dairy across a grid of strategically placed lasers which emit a gentle beep every time you succeed, as if you need a pat on the back every time you get that bar code in just the right place. You are NOT a close relative or friend and frankly I don't care if my daughter looks like your nieces' uncle's brother's daughter. 

... but this post isn't about people who annoy me.

It's about my daughter acting like me. 

One of me is bad enough.

If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm sort of a freak. A nerd. A dork. I mean, look at the titles above each of my sections... that kind of stuff gives me a little techie-stiffy. I'm also a control freak and I usually don't go down without a fight. 

I really like to play coy and turn up the cuteness when I might be in trouble. I love being the center of attention but I HATE asking for it. 

I could keep going on and on about all the quirky and often times annoying things about me. 

All my life I thought I was unique.

Then came this little 20lb package of pooping, crying, laughing, almost walking, just about a year old, miniature human. All these things which I thought were me have turned into "us". My daughter is a total nerd. She loves any computer or technological device. She's analytical to the point of it making your head hurt. She's sassy and coy and plays devil's advocate. There's a part of me that wants to yell, "Hey! That's who I am. You can't steal that". As if she took the top hat out of the monopoly game set before I had a chance to claim that I wanted it. 

Yeah. I make sense... don't I.

Take your mental blender. Add one part pride, one part empathy, and one part creeped out. That's the recipe I have when I look at my daughter. I'm sorry, Niamonster... I know what it's like to be me and while I think it's fun... you're in for one hell of a ride. 

Creeeeeepy.

What magical traits have you thought were unique which are now shared by your miniature version of yourself?

Fatherhood Friday 4

BEHOLD! WE ARE FATHERS AND WE ARE AWESOME!

Not too sure where that came from.

Today's Topic:
Sushi

I love me some sushi. And it's dangerous stuff too because you think to yourself, "Self, it's just a few little rolls, that's never going to fill you up." And you eat, and eat, and eat. Isabella and I have to watch ourselves because if we're not careful we'll easily run up a huge bill with trying all sorts of new kinds of ways to have seafood sit on rice.

...but it's so good.

I fully plan on introducing my daughter to sushi when she is old enough. I bet she'll love it just as much as her mom and dad do. I fully plan to go out to nice restaurants and gorge on sushi once a year, and then for the rest of the times go the cheap route and have mommy make the rolls or the rice beds. If you don't know how to make your own rolls or rice beds then I strongly encourage you to learn. You end up saving lots of money.

oh. suppose I should tie in the daddy thing somehow.

Seriously though, I think sushi is a great analogy for fatherhood. (does anyone else smell a list coming? I DO!)

• It's not for everyone.
  And it doesn't have to be. You can't judge a person if they don't want kids, just like you shouldn't judge if they don't want sushi.
  
• It has tons of variety.
  Think of all the different moods and demeanors a child has. They have so many millions and yet they're still learning more to boot. It's like a new menu of child every time they wake up in the morning. New menu, new prices, new style. Never gets old.
• Price drastically increases with quality
  I'm not looking for a flame war about the difference in quality between a 2 month old and a 2 year old. But let's take a moment and be honest with each other - a 2 month old is a eating, pooping, sleeping machina. A 2 year old has personality and verbal skills and can interact. But as they get older, they get more expensive.
• It fills you up.
  There is certainly no doubt that a child makes your life complete, fills you to brim with lots of things. Things like love, and slobber, and constipated poops, and ear bleeding screams.
  

... oh god... the ear bleeding screams.

Ready?
Top 3 Favorite Sushi/Roll/Sashimi Orders!
Go!

1. Unagi (Eel)
   
2. Ikiri (Salmon Roe)
3. Hon Maguro (Blue Fin Tuna)

What are yours?

Fatherhood Friday

Welcome to Friday of the Fatherhood variety.

I hate work. I hate work because it takes me away from Niamonster. I hate work because she knows I leave every morning and she hates it. I hate work because it's a whole 9-10 hours that I'm not apart of her life. 

Don't get me wrong, I love my job - I find great personal enjoyment in sitting in front of my dual eye-blistering 26" monitors with a computer that could quad-process the panties off of a Mormon in .12ms, and writing code that is complex and requires a depth of knowledge that most people don't even want to have in the computer world. 

But since Niamonster was born, it somehow isn't about me anymore. So that fact that I'm getting enjoyment out of work at, as what I view, the expense of the raising of my child is something that I've had to think a lot about. 

It just feels that when I say that I'm the "provider" of the family, it feels like a cop-out. Money is such a "blah" sort of thing because when I die I don't get to take it with me - - - so why is it such a focus of a family?

I've been playing a little in my hypothetical head lately. What if I were to just pack up my family, sell almost all of my possessions, hop in my car, and head west? Complete beatnik/hippy style. I know my family has lots of love and common sense so that we really wouldn't need a huge source of income. It's a total "damn the man" feeling, but is it so bad?

Have I become the person that is so wrapped up in material things and status that I've fallen into the stereotype of "provider" who's sole purpose is to go out and make money for his daughter and family?

So here lies the conundrum in my head: How do I balance the "provider", the "protector" and the "lover" into a nice little package called a "great dad"? 

It's nice to know that I'm not the only one. Since I've started introducing myself to other dads who blog, I've noticed that this is a common internal thought within a lot of fathers. 

What "balance" internal wars have you had?

What is your "damn the man" dream?

Fatherhood Friday - Who are you?

Welcome to another installment of Fatherhood Friday!

Today I'm going to tackle the ever-untalked-about-topic: Other Hotties 

(Forgive me, I'll probably write "her" a lot, but know that I am aware and sensitive to the dad/dad combos out there... so if you're a dad/dad then just read the "her" as "him". Oh I guess if you're a female reader then replace the "her" with "him too. Unless you're a mom/mom combo then keep the "her"... jesus... did I cover my ass enough?)

You know what I'm talking about, dads. The good looking moms (or dads) that adorn you with those eyes of safety because you are running around with a child. Or those just turned 18 year olds that seem to stay the same age while you get older.

How many times have you had the internal monologue with yourself: "Yeah, I'd do her"

Now I'm not saying you should proclaim this to your wife at every possible moment because that does have the potential of wearing away at her self confidence, but I am firmly convinced that letting your wife know that you still know what "beauty" is, I believe, lets her know that when you say she is beautiful... you aren't lying.

Have your Top 5

(switch hit top 5 optional)

What is the Top 5? This is a list of 5 people of the opposite sex that if they showed up at your front door, said "Hi. I want to go on a date with you, and I expected you to have sex with me at the end of the night." then you have a free-pass. A free pass meaning that your wife has to be "ok" with it, and a free pass meaning that you would never leave your wife over it. 

Rules of the Top 5:

• This list must be ranked in order of how long you would ponder/rationalize whether or not you would actually do it, with the top one being the least amount of time.
  
• It absolutely CANNOT be anyone that you know personally. No ex-girlfriends, no girl down the streets, no one easily accessible.
• There can be only 5
• The person who comes to the door must be on the list for at least a month.
• They have to be alive and must be recognized in their current state. (No "Marilyn Monroe" or "1980's version Madonna")
• Your significant other must be aware of the list at all times.

My Top 5:

1. Natalie Portman
   
2. Lisa Sheldon (Roxy Model)
3. Chyler Leigh
   
4. Tyra Banks (the now, thicker version)
   
5. Gwen Stefani

But even with the top 5...

I told my wife one night, "You know... you're the only person in this world that I would never have second thoughts about banging. I would never have to justify myself to myself that it is ok. Because it's always ok and always awesome."

So at first read I bet that looks like I was going to get pimp-smacked. 

But she took it as a compliment. Because even if Natalie Portman came knocking on my door, at the end of the night it would still take some time for me to have to rationalize in my head that what I was doing was ok. 

... even if it only would take 3 seconds.